When I Was a Lad… JP’s Look at Football Nostalgia

THE T.V

Today I watched Soccer A.M for the first time in about ten years. Even though it’s a bit crap these days it still filled me with nostalgia for being a kid in the 90s and thinking Lovejoy was hilarious and having naughty thoughts about Helen Chamberlain and the soccerette.

It got me thinking back to those days and football in general back then. I already made a post about the genius that was Fantasy Football with Baddiel and Skinner and that alongside Soccer AM were the real highlights of football discussion shows, getting the perfect balance between humour and football talk. For more serious discussion I used to love watching Jimmy Hill’s Sunday Supplement, featuring Hill and a load of tabloid hacks sat around in “Jimmy’s kitchen” talking about the weekend’s events. Soccer Saturday is obviously still the daddy, a premise that sounds ridiculous on paper but works so well in reality. I’m not sure if it’s just nostalgia talking or what but the lineup I remember watching as a kid with George Best, Rodney Marsh and Frank McLintock was the true golden era but it’s still a fantastic show to this day.

Of course Match of the Day has a special place in my heart also, it’s not great, especially these days, but it could be a lot worse (remember ITV’s THE PREMIERSHIP ffs) and that theme tune just is football. I also have vague memories of first getting into football and enjoying Big Match on ITV and also Saint and Greavsie before Sky took over and dominated everything.

THE MAGAZINES

I still remember getting my first ever football magazines, my dad bought me the trio of Shoot, Match and 90 Minutes one weekend in about 92 and they remained my three favourites for many years to come. I didn’t get 90 Minutes quite so often but I’d come to purchase Match and Shoot most weeks for most of the early and mid 90s, there was even a spell where I subscribed to Match and had it delivered through the door. An issue I remember in particular had John Beresford as the special guest editor, huge times.

One of my most vivid memories of cool freebies with football magazines was getting a set of cards free with an issue of 90 Minutes magazine featuring a load of footballers doing weird things. I found a few pictures of them online…

There was also obviously the infamous wall charts with the little cut out kits you’d get free at the start of each season, put up on your wall with the best of intentions each August and then by September you couldn’t be arsed updating them anymore and they’d sit there untouched until about January when you finally decided to take them down and lob them in the bin.

As I got slightly older I moved onto Match of the Day magazine and Four Four Two. Whilst those two were obviously aimed more and the adult market and were much better reads, they never quite captured the same feeling of having Match arrive through my letterbox.

CARDS/STICKERS/FIGURES ETC

My first ever sticker album was the Panini one for the 91/92 season, the last of the old Division One before the Premiership took over the world. Once the Premiership started then Merlin proved themselves to be the true king of the football sticker world and I think I had every album up until about 97/98 when I thought myself far too cool to be collecting stickers anymore.

There were also various football card fads over the years too. My favourite were the “big head” series, I can’t remember who made them but they featured caricature type pictures of the footballers and had top trump style ratings on the back.

Talking of big heads, the Corinthian figures were another huge playground phase in the mid 90s. Before them though, I remember building a small collection of Tonka football figures but you rarely hear people talk of them these days. They were bigger than the Corinthian ones and were more prominent in the late 80s/early 90s I think.

Anyway back onto Corinthian big heads, I used to love lining them up on the carpet in dream teams and different formations and stuff. One man who would always make my team is the don down below.

I also remember for a short while Netbusters videos seemed to be all the rage. A fairly low budget and short video that would come out every month or so that were pretty shit on reflection.

There was also a stupidly large amount of cock ups videos. My favourite of which was Neil Hancock’s Football Nightmares. I actually got my copy free with Four Four Two magazine and watched it fucking tons of times. He tries to get a lift to a Stoke game but ends up in another Stoke or something – HILARIOUS TIMES.

Other football collectables I remember from the time were football pogs, and also something I really struggle to find any evidence of it actually existing and that no-one seems to remember but I swear existed – little marble type things with pictures of footballers inside. I swear they were called “flick a balls” or something like that and there was a little game you could play with them too. Can’t find any pictures or anything though so you can have a huge one of an Ian Snodin pog instead.

THE VIDEO GAMES

This is just my personal journey so I’m well aware I’m missing out lots of classics here (I never played Sensible Soccer as a kid for instance). I’m pretty sure the first ever football game I played was Italia 90 round a friends, a bit of a crap game really but I thought it was amazing just because I had nothing else to compare it to.

My first ever console was a Sega Master System and the football game I played most on that and properly came to love was Super Kick Off. I also owned World Soccer but as I said, Super Kick Off was the daddy for me.

The first game of the Fifa franchise I ever owned was Fifa 96 on the Sega Saturn. I remember being stunned at its realism and it was my football game of choice on that console for quite a while as the only other one I had was the rather pony Euro 96 game based on the Actua Soccer game engine.

In 97 however, whilst I still purchased the updated Fifa game, Sega Worldwide Soccer was launched and blew it out of the water. It’s one of my favourite games of all time in fact and is hugely underrated to this day. I must have spent weeks playing on it.

So yeah that’s my recollections of being a football obsessed kid in the 90s. Have you got anything you’d like to add or that I’ve reminded you about? Post below or on the forum then innit.

Soapbox Recipe Corner

Cheese Plate

This is an old family recipe handed down through the generations. I loved it as a kid and my sister informs me its marvellous for a hangover.

What You’ll need:

Cheese

A Cheese Plane

A Plate

cover the plate with slices of cheese made with the cheese plane,
place the plate under the grill till the cheese melts,
add pepper to taste, serve with fork.

BON APPETIT!

SuperJohnny’s Top 5 Trainers

Who doesn’t love a list eh!?! They’re a staple of the Soapbox forum. So seeing as they’re so en vogue at the minute what with JP’s brilliant Top 10 under-rated Premiership footballers list and CM’s wonderful and bang on the money Top 50 Don’s list I thought I’d get involved. Plus I felt bad about not contributing to this blog and thought I’d give it a go.

So I had a wee think and thought about what I should do mine on, and eventually came up trainers because … well I love them and I spend to high a percentage of my earnings on them. Now I’m not going to list 50 trainers, not even 10 of them, I’ll be listing my Top 5, or what I see as the crème de la crème of the trainer world.

For future reference anyone who uses the word sneakers instead of trainers deserves to be beaten to death with an Adidas ZX800 though not those limited edition Star Wars ones they were fucking rotten.

Oh and Karl you know I love you like a brother but the Reebok Classic is an abomination of a shoe, a fact backed up by some research I have conducted that found most people who wear them are in their 40’s and wear them with white socks pulled half way up their shins, shorts and one of those old man polo shirts which have a breast pocket, these losers can be found on Tunbridge Wells High Street going for their copy of the Daily Express or heading down to the local Cop Shop to bail their sister out … again. Only kidding Eddie, though those black Classic’s you posted up a while back looked like something out of a special needs school.

So with that introduction let’s get down to business …

05. The Trimm Trab

The Trimm Trab was originally released in the mid 1970’s and was at the time a revolutionary shoe thanks to its sole unit which was made out of polyurethane (PU), a material which was both lightweight and flexible while also being a great shock absorber.

Other models who borrowed the Trimm Trab’s sole unit include the Munchen, Tennis Spezial, Madrid and Centre Court. Mint condition original releases of these trainers are pretty rare these days, as time isn’t kind to polyurethane and it ages very badly, as it gets older it becomes sticky and then starts to crumble. If you can find an early release of these trainers in even a fair condition you’ll be paying hundreds of pounds for them.

Despite being released in the mid 1970’s it took a decade for the shoe to become the icon we know it as today, this was due largely to the Trimm Trab being adopted into the ‘Casual’ scene and becoming a regular sight on the feet of young lads on the football terraces of England.

Re-released in 2004/05 and also 2009/10 this shoe has risen again and is as popular as ever.

04. Grand Slam

Released in 1981 the Grand Slam was another revolutionary shoe from Adidas. Following on from the release of the Netase, ATP, Grand Prix and Wimbledon the GS was and still is the Daddy of them all.

Borrowing the three peg technology of the L.A. which allows the wearer to change the density of the sole unit to fit his or her requirements this is one fine looking shoe. Like a lot of Adidas trainers which were developed for one specific reason the GS was soon adopted into Terrace Culture (much like all the shoes in this list). The GS is held in such high regard in the ‘Casual’ scene that it was features on the front cover of Dave Hewitson’s fantastic book ‘The Liverpool Boys Are Back in Town’.

Recently re-released as part of the Adidas Tournament Edition series and then again this year this shoe continues to sell well and looks as great as ever thanks mainly to the company not bastardising them, which is something they should learn from considering the horrendous job they’ve done on recent releases of the Forrest Hill, PT and those god awful Kermit the Frog Stan Smiths.

03. Stockholm

Originally released as part of the City Pack in the 1970’s the Stockholm is an iconic shoe. From it’s gum sole unit, to blue suede upper, and the iconic three stripes in yellow this shoe just oozes class unlike the Dublin which is a bit to garish with it’s orange stripes, plus the city itself is full of beggars and smells of piss, and the London just looks plain awful with it’s black and red upper. Therefore Stockholm > Dublin > London.

Again like the other trainers in this list (bar the Campus) the Stockholm is a favourite amongst the ‘Casual’ scene. Recently re-issued Adidas have kept it simple and came up with a winner.

Out of the shoes on this list the Stockholm is the only one I haven’t owned, I have tried them on but they just don’t feel right on me, but nevertheless I’m including it in the list because I can, and I still think it’s an incredible shoe despite not being able to wear them.

02. Forest Hill

The Forest Hill was probably the first shoe that I bought for look rather than practicality. Until a few years ago trainers to me were nothing more than a piece of clothing you had to buy, now trainers are the item of clothing I build my outfit around, it’s got to the point were I will only buy jeans or cords that compliment whatever shoe I’ve chosen to wear that day.

Originally released in the 1970’s the Forest Hill is probably best known for its colourful sole unit which incorporated NASA design technology.

My sordid affair with the Forest Hill began during the re-release in 2006/07. My first pair were white with a yellow sole, God I loved them, I still remember walking past The Bureau in town every day on my way into work and wishing I had the money for them, I eventually got my fat fingers on them one pay day and handed over 70 sheets to get them which at the time was a lot of money to me.

The one thing I didn’t like about the Forest Hill and what has ultimately lead to them only charting at number 2 on my Top 5 list is they weren’t very comfortable, but fuck it they look amazing, or should I say they did look amazing.

If you know Adidas you’ll know they have a tendency to re-release past glories and fuck them up, for every great shoe they do there are 2 dozen awful ones, just look at those shitty looking kicks they did with Goodyear tyres and don’t get me started on the recent Star Wars series.

Unfortunately the Forest Hill hasn’t escaped this butchering, much to my disappointment Adidas have recently re-released the Forest Hill complete with little trefoil Adidas logo’s embossed all over them and neon sole units, they’re the kind of shoe some chav cunt will wear and match it with a pair of Primark jeans and a McKenzie jacket and think they are the dogs bollocks.

But despite all this I still love them for what they were, not what they have become.

01. Campus

Not to be mixed up with the Campus II, the Adidas Campus is a narrower less clumpy version of it’s name sake and predecessor. Without doubt my favourite trainer ever the Campus is like your favourite pair of jeans, in that they just feel right when you wear them.

I’ve been obsessed with these since the re-release in 2008/09. Since then I’ve had four pairs of them in both the navy/white and black/white colourway. I have so far managed to avoid the purple/white and teal/white releases but it’s getting to the point now were they are so hard to find that I’d get them in just about any colourway just to get the feeling of putting a box fresh pair of them on.

Worn religiously by the Beastie Boys, the Campus are the only shoe on my list which isn’t overtly linked to Terrace Culture and is more in line with the hip hop/B-Boy scene of 1980’s NYC a scene with which the Adidas Superstar is best known and most recognised. Adidas have again re-released these this year but unless you like your trainers with snakeskin stripes I would avoid at all costs because they look hideous.

So there we have it a run down of SuperJohnny’s Top 5 favourite trainers.

How To… Say ‘Bye’ to drunk e-mailing and keep what’s left of your dignity.

Have you ever arrived home after a night out, drunk off your ass and decided to e-mail that ex that always pops in your head after 3 or 4 beers whose phone number you don’t have anymore? Well, I have. And I’m going to pretend I’m not the only one, so…
Rejoice, my fellow sad e-mailers! Because this week Gmail updated its ‘undo’ feature, which allowed users to “un-send” those embarrassing e-mails asking their ex’s for one more shag, or worse, confessing they were actually that never good in bed.

Not anymore! Thanks, Gmail!

Previously, the feature gave the option of cancelling it within 5 seconds, which, let’s face it, it’s hardly enough time for a drunk person to react to anything, let alone a button at the top of the screen that would possibly keep them some of their dignity; the good thing is that now the service gives up to 25 more seconds of thinking and re-thinking our stupid drunk blabber. The drawbacks? The feature doesn’t work for mobile Gmail, only from a computer; it most likely won’t stop you from embarrassing yourself through texting or calling; and finally, the infamous message will be then kept in the Drafts folder, where it will sit and contemplate your shameless face and laugh at your disgusting lack of self-respect.

Exhibit "A"

Oh, shit!

To access the feature, users must go to the Settings page, locate Tabs (it’s at the bottom of the page) and enable the Undo function. After that’s done, you can set up the time limit for the feature on the General settings page (5, 10, 20 or 30 seconds are the options).

Thank fuck.

So, without further ado, I’m off to test this awesome new gadget. Hopefully I’ll be able to remember this next time I drink tequila and feel like sending naked pictures of myself to my ex.

Ana is an AV & Multimedia Producer and she enjoys self-mocking and the sound of aspirin bottles in her purse.

CMPunk’s Top 50 Dons – Number 42 – Billy Robbins

This is another tricky one as I sort of hate fat people. There was a time when I was something of a bloater myself so I have a direct insight into the mind of one and find it very hard to relate to one these days. I coupled an extremely unhealthy diet with a degenerate binge drinking weekend and I also wasn’t one for exercise. I still got no where near your average bloater but I know how lethargic and greedy the lifestyle is. I have now transformed myself into the kind of man who has a run a maximum of 8 miles in a session, eats a weekly minimal amount of fruit and veg and who drinks slightly less than your degenerate binge drinking superstar. I know there are variety of reasons for obesity but I also know how hard the long road to a decent level of fitness and lifestyle is so I really lack respect for those members of society who take pride in their selfish and greedy lifestyles.

Despite all of this I cannot say I am now full of admiration for Billy Robbins. For those unfortunately unaware of Billy Robbins he is the star of a documentary detailing his attempt to lose some of the 60 stones that made him the heaviest teenager in America.

The Robster in full flight.

Billy is so fat he comes across as quite in-human. His desire for food warrants pretty incredibly irrational decisions and facials that are simply a delight. His life solely revolves around eating, sleeping and playing video. Whilst I am aware this is not a life your average person could lead, it’s still not a bad life, eh?

There is a sequence of events in his documentary that just sums Billy up. Having already seen Billy already hospitalised due to his weight and various humiliating ordeals such as his mother changing his nappy, Billy decides he is not losing enough weight in hospital as he cannot get his stamina up. I’m not really sure what he means but in fact it had a little more to do with his cunt faced mother still feeding up him mammoth portions whilst in the fucking hospital. His mother is a complete omelette by the way with the kind of lack of intelligence only seen by the players, management and fans of West Ham United.

Anyway, Billy discharges himself against doctors orders and somehow makes into a big fuck off truck like what Americans have and sets off back to his shithouse gaff. On arrival Billy tries and fails to walk into the house, he then completely flakes out and the big fat smelly mess falls on the bonnet of his mother’s car and an ambulance is immediately called. I have never seen anyone look so exhausted in all my life and he only went like 6 steps. It’s hard to sum up the exhausted and crazed look on his face apart from beastly. As his mother runs over to help him he mutters the immortal words “Aw mother, I shit myself”. You cannot knock that kind of form.

Insert own Moz joke.

Later after a long hospital stretch where he eventually loses some girth and is released from the hospital again after having a gastric bypass, the first thing he did upon arriving home was have a big fuck off hotdog.

As will be mentioned time and time again, there is something terribly romantic about men destroying themselves through blindly following their dreams and desires. Whilst many might have done this through drink, drugs and women, it’s not fair to oestrocize the likes of Billy because very few have taken it as far as he has. I’m not a fan of obesity and Billy has no kind of interesting or intriguing personality traits but if Billy earns his place in this list by pushing his demons to the limit and being fun to laugh at.

Key Quote: “Oh mama. I’ve shit myself”
See: That documentary on him. Just youtube Billy Robbins

CMPunk’s Top 50 Dons – Number 44 – Massimo Osti

There are certain dons I admire but do not feel well informed enough to write about. These are dons whose influence goes far beyond my own knowledge and have achieved a devoted following that goes far beyond my mere interest and respect in their character and work. The first of these dons to make the list is Massimo Osti the originator of the C.P Company and Stone Island labels. Now I’m sure most if not all will not have heard of C.P and have Stone Island down as a brand for chavs, football hooligans and dickwads but the brands were actually produced with a real intent for quality clothing and a direct sense of experimenting with materials and style. Some of their signature jackets include the Ice jacket which changes colour with heat, the reflective which reflects light and the Milie which was originally designed for drivers of the 1000 mile millie miglia race.

Fashion should and does play a key part of the lives of the working classes. The actual idea of casuals grew out of people wearing their best clothes to football. Not necessarily in the way people like to peacock about now but generally to hold up the family name. A lot of these people you would only see on a Saturday so people tried to put on a strong front and present their family in a good light. It appals me when people complain about the price of Pretty Green. As Liam says, if you cannot afford it then save because what you walk around in is important. You often hear about people wanting ‘working class prices’ but it’s always been a working class thing to spunk your money on clothing. You really should care about what you wear, it’s not good enough being a scruffy cunt.

Stone Island Ice Jacket

Both of Massimo’s key labels are currently of fashion and off the high street as newer brands developing sharper, cheaper and more modern take on casual fashion. I would implore you to read the below so that next time you see one of his jacket you might think the person wearing it might not be a bone head, he might just appreciate good clothing.

Written by Mark Butterworth
Full article HERE
Edited down a little bit by CM Punk

The fashion industry suffered a huge loss when Massimo Osti, creator of the Stone Island and CP Company brands, died aged 59. Osti was certainly not a designer whose name struck a cord with everyman on the street, but within the fashion industry and on the especially fashion conscious football terraces around the UK, his position as one of the biggest innovators in men’s clothing in the late 20th century is unrivalled. So how did Bolognas favourite son become such a big deal?

Massimo Osti began the Chester Perry Company back in 1974 in Italy. A former graphic designer who had turned his hand to printing t shirts, he had a vision of straight laced, well made goods that would turn heads (as well as empty pockets). With a discreet logo of a workman, the cut and in particular the quality of the materials used in the clothing ensured that those who knew good garments in the fashion industry quickly learned of the brand. It also stood out as different because the designs concentrated on the dying process and material creation rather than working from patterns as was tradition in the fashion industry at the time.

CP Company original 1984 Milie Miglia

There was a slight teething problem however – the name bore too much resemblance to the Fred Perry label; following a court order a hasty name change was brought about. The brand shortened its name to become C.P. Company, and the label continued to churn out quality garments, with outerwear winning particular favour with the fashion going public in Italy , but it wasn’t to be long before the rest of Europe, and Britain in particular, would be getting into Massimo’s creations.

In the early 80’s Osti wanted to take his creations down a more casual line, but he found the smart aura of C.P. Company slightly too constricting for what he had in mind. He had been using innovative materials, and was slowly but steadily edging into the science of what material could be used with each season that passed. While his garments were simple yet effective, they were most definitely at the smarter end of the casual wear spectrum. Massimo however wanted to be able to express one of his favourite influences into a clothing label, and that huge influence was the military.

Now here was something that had never been tried before. Armed forces uniform has always centred on being practical and functional, yet no one had tried to bring this together with a line of clothing. His brand launched in 1982 as Stone Island Marina, it certainly seemed to draw from a sea faring influence in its very name. The brand stuck instant accord. While on t shirts and shirts a simple four pronged compass star would appear, a now famous black rectangular patch with the compass at the centre and circled by Stone Island lettering would appear on knits and jackets.

Noel G wearing a sample Stone Island Denims jacket.

It didn’t take long for Stone Island Marina to gain favour – Jones of London, a legendary fashion emporium, was the first to have its finger on the pulse and imported the first few pieces of Stone Island in the UK. And while the garments they had were outstanding, a cut literally apart from anything else being done, they had a hefty price tag to match – a piece of knitwear would cost over a hundred pounds, quite a lot in prime Thatcher Britain. But the price was justifiable – a piece could be worn years after it was first purchased and still be in superb condition due to the excellent workmanship.

There is a long history of argument among football fans as to who at what club were the first to be wearing Stone Island. From the bandits of Portsmouth to the scallies at Liverpool, while London was the epicentre for Stone Islands first stockists in the UK the brand was more readily available in Italy, and there was a bigger selection of garments to boot. With this in mind it is certainly true that a very select few who led the way with risk taking at clubs throughout the country, those who were making the journey to Europe to stay ahead in the fashion stakes, were the first in rather than one club en masse. With many British clubs taking part in European matches and the decreasing cost of continental travel, there was a new option from the increasingly common adidas and Lacoste labels. And those wearing Stone Island, and some in C.P., would certainly have stood out on the terraces back in the 80’s.

In the late 80’s Osti was engrossed in merging technology and fashion, and this came to the fore in the use of fabrics in outerwear. At first jackets were created for C.P. Company using stainless steel material, a process still used by the brand today some 20 years later. But the military influenced Stone Island provided a much greater opportunity for ridiculous innovation, and so Massimo created the first Stone Island Ice Jackets.

Based initially on camouflage colour schemes, Ice Jackets used materials which were temperature sensitive – they changed colour according to the heat. The summer versions were most commonly seen, but the much rarer long winter versions incorporated a fur lined hood. There were also half zip jackets which steered away from the camouflage colour scheme. The innovation did not end there. Waterproofing was another important part of outerwear, and with this in mind Osti initially came up with rubber based materials for jackets which became on occasion too sticky, so he developed a coated form of cotton which with a glossy appearance had tremendous water repellent qualities.

Liam G onstage in C.P Company parka which is a lot superior to his own Pretty Green one.

In this time Stone Island Marina was largely replaced by the more effective and simple Stone Island title although some pieces still carried the Marina logo. But Stone Island was not the exclusive outlet for Massimo’s biggest innovations. At the same time Massimo released the Mille Miglia jacket, inspired by the car race of the same name which took between cities in Italy. This jacket incorporated goggles into the hood which cold flip down over the eyes when the hood was extended, and with a clear circular watch viewer in the arm to make telling the time easier. As with so many of Massimo’s creations the Mille Miglia has more than stood the test of time and more items from C.P. Company are made now incorporating the goggle idea than were 15 years ago.

But by 1994 Massimo parted ways with Sportswear SPA, leaving his post as creative director of both brands, with the cult Boneville label ceasing production. The reason for Osti leaving remains unclear, but those in Britain who came to work for Osti in later years would claim that the amount of work he put into the brands was not reflected in his salary. It would have been easy for Osti to retire with his work having been done – his huge influence had changed the way the fashion world thought. We would not have brands like Griffin, Maharishi, or 6876 without Massimo’s influence. Indeed in quite an Osti-esque show of humility, the creative director behind the 6876 Kenneth Mackenzie, turned down an offer of taking his innovations to the Sportswear SPA labels.

Massimo created a series of now cult labels which continued an understated look. World Wide Web and ST 95 did not make a big impact, but Left Hand in the late 90’s left a great impression with excellent outerwear collections. It was not long before Osti was snapped up by the Levi’s brand to lead a project for them. Faced at the time by fierce competition in the denim world, Levis sales had flagged and producing the same denim was not enough in a competitive market place. The innovations Osti put in place arguably spurred on Levis to what it has become today, a denim producer proud of its heritage (reflected in its premium vintage label) but also an innovator who could come up with ideas like twisted denim.

With Massimo’s inspiration of fusing technology and clothing, he came up with the Levis ICD+ Courier jacket boasted an integrated MP3 player, mobile phone, headphones, and a control panel for easy operation of the devices. Just to be practical, it also had a fold away feature. Only 1,000 were produced in a few colours and as with so many huge innovations, it was not a hit. But now a few years down the line clothing manufacturers are looking at ways of integrating MP3 players with coats. Osti also worked for Dockers, the khaki branch of Levis, and those who thought there simply wasn’t much innovation to be applied to a khaki brand were proved wrong. The biggest seller of the collection were trousers which fused the idea of combat trousers with a pair of Dockers, creating a unique design with zip open bottoms, reinforced knees, and lots of pockets. But the big talking point from buyers up and down the country who had viewed the collection was the availability of actual chain mail trousers…naturally the weight and the lack of medieval spirit meant few retailers took up the offer.

Cool Pic.

But the designers work was to be cut short just when he was getting his creation line back into full flow. A bout of cancer hit Osti who went into retirement while he fought for several years with the illness, and he seemed to have made a full recovery when he released his Double Use Massimo Osti line of reversible knitwear. But the unpredictable nature of this disease was shown when Osti died just short of his 60th birthday. The legacy of the designer and the hole left in the fashion world is enormous. His biggest fans, the British football fraternity, were constantly waiting for his next creations years after year. But the news is that his Double Use line will continue, with his son taking up the reign to continue his work. We hope that Massimo’s greatness has rubbed off on his son, and that we may continue to wear Osti creations from whichever part of the bloodline, for years to come.

See: http://www.found-nyc.com/blog/ or visit Selfridges or something.

CMPunk’s Top 50 Dons – Number 47 – #PeterDoherty

On 1st July 2010 Raoul ‘Moaty’ Moat was released from jail and back in to the Newcastle community. Two days later following taunts from his ex-girlfriend that she was now seeing a rozzer he shot and killed her new fella and then her before racing off into the cool Newcastle night air. In the following week he went on the run including shooting PC Roathband point blank in the face before eventually shooting himself in the face (pun intended) of extreme police interrogation. In between all of this mayhem Moaty became the biggest British tabloid story since the death of world renowned nonse Michael Jackson. Like MJ Moaty was not a don, Whilst I’m sure we all have my own views on women, the police and the media, murder is wrong and it’s a kettle of fish I am not prepared to open. What Moaty exposed though was that the current power of the media that far outweighs the power of the rozzers.The police investigation into Moaty was an absolute catastrophe from start to finish as he evaded their pathetic attempts to catch him by hiding in the Rothbury sewer system whilst the Police were busy storming empty barns with armed guards and asking the general public to grass him up. To your average lunatic watching Sky News it made getting away with murder look very, very simple. After all imagine if Moaty had made a fake alibi or had not kidnapped two people and made them help him kill coppers or even killed the copper or wrote to The Sun proclaiming war on the Police and so on and so on. Our man Moaty was not the sharpest tool in the box although where matters of the heart are concerned who can honestly say they think with their head?

Note: not a don.

Moaty’s demise was followed by the most ferocious media witch hunt I have ever seen. The day after his suicide he was labelled a grass and a paedophile who had a thing for 15 year old girls. The next day emerged pictures of him in women’s clothing and stories of him beating his many lovers. Any chance of him becoming some kind of twisted legend in the vein of Harry Roberts was quickly destroyed as his name was dragged through the mud. Even those who still supported him (fat single mothers with a degenerate streak) where front page news including the leader of his Facebook group and some random family who attended his funeral. The message to the public was clear, you can kill someone and you might get away with it but if we do catch you we are going to absolutely ruin you and in a country where the cult of celebrity is worshipped far more than religion that is a very powerful message.

Our 46th top don is Peter Doherty. I’m not going to spend too long on the negatives because I’m sure you know the story. He’s a crackhead, he may have his dirty finger prints over two recent deaths and worse still he makes some really shit tunes these days. He was though for a brief moment the most exciting musician of his generation. At the turn of the millennium the British music scene had spent so long waiting for the next Oasis to arrive no one had noticed it being take over by……..fucking hell it pains me to even write their name….. I even remember the kids in their fucking baggy jeans and baseball caps y’know…… .Limp Bizkit.

Note: Mug.

Whilst it’s pretty much fact that The Strokes started the fight back from across the pond anyone would be hard pressed to argue against What A Waster being the killer blow that. The lyrics read like alcoholic poetry and the ramshackle rock and roll sounds like the memories of your first kiss fucking your memories of your first fight.

Perhaps most intriguing about Peter was his identity. He didn’t really fit into any holes. The face of a chubby teenager, the hair of a women, the jacket of a punk rocker, the jeans of a tramp, the Burberry scarf of a ponse and the Hackett polo of a casual. Any attempt to pidgeon hole was quickly swept aside because behind it all he was a very, very, very intelligent loveable man.

Everything that followed What A Waster up and until probably For Lovers was the actions of a true rock and roll star. The tunes, the love affair with Carl, the fights with Carl, the burglary, the intellect, just one big rock and roll whirlwind unfortunately fuelled by the bad drugs. Whilst the rut started before For Lovers it wasn’t until entered the Top 10 that the media and Kate Moss really got hold of him and took away our Pete forever. What could have been the don’s don is now more likely to be the rock and roll Alex Higgins unless The Libertines reunion somehow manages to succeed (which it won’t).

The media circus around Pete in the 18 months following For Lovers was every bit as ferocious as that surrounding Moaty. It felt like almost daily there was a picture of him out of it or spraying his blood about or just…well you know the story. He was being a right fucking prick and suddenly he was public enemy number one. Amidst some really tragic pictures the obituary was written and ready to go.

Note: you won't catch Luke Kook looking like this.

Peter was going to die due to hardcore drug abuse and the tabloids were going to revel in it. Except he didn’t, did he? Like Alex Higgins he kept going, stumbling along like a fox with rabies and showing that one can live a life, even an awful one, whilst addicted to crack cocaine. In this weeks Eastenders Phil Mitchell (who may or may not make this list) also succumbs to smoking brown. According to the Daily Stars TV Mag we are led to believe within a week….A FUCKING WEEK….Phil Mitchell, man of many businesses, will be living in squalor. YES! Because he can’t just pay for his drugs out his vast business empire and put on something of a normal front. FFS. Whisper it very quietly but drugs do not actually instantly kill you or ultimately kill you and they’re not always a bad thing. Peter’s obviously the extreme and drugs are a bad thing for him but he’s still there, he’s still going and the tabloids have had to ignore him because he doesn’t fulfil their linear prophecy.

I like Peter Doherty for his music, I admire his ability to present a truly unique identity but for me he earns don status for the mere fact that just by living he is giving a big FUCK YOU to the media and that is no bad thing.

Disclaimer: The Soapbox and it’s members do not condone the violent actions against policemen, hardcore drug abuse or the second Babyshambles album.

Interesting fact: In June 2008 Pete commissioned a sculpture of himself on a cross for a solo show in London. The religious sculpture was carved in marble and showed Pete being tortured and surrounded by strips of newspapers, symbolising his crucifixion by the media
See: Up The Bracket by The Libertines (2002)

CMPunk’s Top 50 Dons – Number 50 – #Shredder from #TeenageMutantNinjaTurtles

An essential part of a don is the clothes he wears. Please be aware you’re not going to get any messy types in last seasons cast offs making this list although that is not to say a bit of vintage won’t be sported as the list goes on. With this in mind it is perhaps fitting that Shredder should be first on the list. From the purple cape to the grey top and not forgetting the black belt that offsets it all, even when going into battle it’s obvious Shredder is making sure he looks tip top. You can imagine Shreds late at night shining his armour up real nice so when he calls it on with The Turtles the fear in their faces will reflect from it and he will have the vital mental edge. It’s that kind of thinking that puts him way above the Mumrahs and the Decepticons of the cartoon villain underworld. Mumrah was a horrible bastard but looked a right fucking state to be honest and thus isn’t worthy of don status.

Follow up the clobber with the fact that Shredder’s one true goal was world domination and he’s deservedly on the list. If it wasn’t for them do good bore off Turtle nark cunts he might have achieved it too and it is a crying shame Shredder never got to put them in their place. Although to be fair the sewer is exactly where they belong along with the sex offenders, traffic wardens and West Ham fans of this world.

The reason he never quite achieved his ultimate goal and the reason he’s so low on the list is the mob he surrounded himself with. He should have known better than to surround himself with a bunch of 2 bob ninjas, Bebop, Rocksteady and a massive cunt with an alien’s head in his abdomen called Krang. I can barely see them surviving a night out in Basildon let alone a proper tear up with a bunch of tooled up turtle ninjas and what are the work drinks going to be like with those three in tow? I can’t see them getting into Liquid & Envy for a couple of jugs of Blue Lagoon and a jive with the local tarts.

Give him his due though, he had a go and followed his dreams and that’s all we can really do with our lives. It’s better to try and fail than to never try at all. Perhaps one day the Turtles will be remade for an adult audience and a more realistic take on the story will involve Shredder cutting Raphael to pieces and finally getting the world wide recognition he so craved. Until then Shredder you are the 50th top don but no more. Congratulations.

Interesting fact: Shredder was so big they had to call in ‘Big Daddy Cool’ Kevin Nash to play him in one of the films.
See: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1990)